You didn’t really think you’d get through the Grammys without a post from me, did you? Okay, good. Because I’ve ranked some of the best and worst get-ups from last night using this scale:
Oh, and we can’t forget to add in some witty commentary. So here goes:
1. Carly Rae Jepsen
I give this number a 25% on the scale. Although the dress is pretty-ish, it’s not quite there for me. Also, I desperately wish she’d do something different with her hair. It’s gettin’ old, CR.
2. Katy Perry
I think this was my least favorite dress of the night. It gets a “STOP.” Who designed this? And why did Katy think this was in any way flattering? Okay, maybe we won’t go that far. The dress itself, though, is awful. What are those Christmas ornaments at the top? Also, Katy must want a little bit more than John Mayer if she’s prancing around with her puppies staring everybody in the eye.
Rihanna looked red hot last night- pun intended. Congrats, “RiRi,” you’ve earned yourself a gold star (and a “You go gurl!” on the scale I made using Paint). Seriously though, how stunning is this dress? So flattering- simply gorgeous.
4. Florence Welch
To be totally honest, this dress reminds me of a blinged-out version of Yoshi from Mario. Boy, I wouldn’t be surprised if she were in the band Metallica rather than Florence & The Machine! Okay, that one was a little tacky. 25%.
5. Ed Sheeran
Damn boy, are you from England? Because you’re the only ten I see. I liked that Ed kept it simple with a black suit and tie, but made it a little more original by throwin’ on some Nikes. Super classy, 75%.
Let’s face it, J-Lo is hot. But this get-up is… well, not. Between the obnoxious slit and heels that make her look like she’s on house arrest, I can’t really help but give her a 10%. Better luck next time?
This kind of reminds me of a lamp shade that your grandma has that you want to say you love even though you hate. I love Adele and everything about her, but what is this? Also, by the looks of it, her shoes match exactly. STOP.
8. Taylor Swift
First, I’m not diggin’ the whole milk maid braid thing. Put it to bed, Swiz. The dress would be prettier if it didn’t have the weird sparkly details. Look, she’s even advertising her first initial on her chest.
9. John Mayer (+ Quincy Jones)
“Lay off my blue suede suit jacket and bowtie,” says John Presley. Quincy thinks he’s the man, as you can tell by his manifest hand gesture and smug grin.
I wouldn’t like this on anyone else. But it’s Beyonce. It’s her world, we’re all just living in it. YOU GO GURL.
11. Carrie Underwood
I’m kind of on the fence about this look. I love Carrie, she’s phenomenal, but what is this weird Gotham City thing she’s got going on? I also feel like the diamond necklace makes the dress look slightly cheap and gothic. Sorry Carrie, I just wasn’t Blown Away by this number. You get a 25%.
12. 2 Chainz
I’d like to know what this mess is. This look mixes classy musician, world heavyweight champion, tap dancer, and Batman into one big pot. I want to meet his stylist. I also want to meet the designer of that weird cape. WHO DO THEY THINK THEY ARE?! STOP.
Before I go, I’d like to point out that Tim McGraw needs to retire that damn cowboy hat.
Thanks for reading. And thank you, Fun., for showing us that you can be both in and out of the closet at the same time.